The world has been turned upside down and I’m tired.
I’m tired of the state of the world.
I’m tired of lockdown.
I’m tired of trying to be productive.
Most of all, I’m tired of my PhD… but I’m guessing you all saw that one coming.
I’m sick of putting so much time into it and not getting anything in return.
We’re supposed to focus on the end-game, but when you’re tired of academia, what is there to look forward to?
That sweet moment where you successfully defend, shake the necessary hands (after the pandemic, of course), and finally get to be called ‘Dr.’?
Or when you turn tail, skip out the door and not look back?
Like many others, my life is on hold.
I could be using this time to my advantage: getting a head-start in my research, laying the groundwork for the difficult path ahead… and to some extent, I have.
But, it just feels pointless.
I miss the pressure of a deadline, the pressure of having to squeeze my studies in and around my life.
I miss having a purpose.
I’ve fallen out of love with my research, and that’s okay.
I need to rediscover that spark.
Do you know what this means, dear reader?
I used to live for the next release. I used to throw myself into the latest titles, embody the characters, repeat their lines as if I had truly lived their in-game experiences.
That is what I miss.
I miss being passionate about games.
The PhD has sucked that out of me a little bit…so I’ve made a decision.
I am hereby removing the pressure to write, the need to keep up with my Research Plan and to force productivity.
To hell with my research plan (for the time being).
I’m going to spend valuable time rediscovering what it is about gaming that ignited my crazy urge to tackle this PhD in the first place.
I want to wander those virtual worlds again, explore new technologies and rediscover immersive gaming as if it is the first time.
If I continue my writing now, it’s going to be passionless, unenthusiastic drivel that may, in fact, send my supervisors to sleep.
I’ve got to rediscover my spark.
With that, excuse me while I lace up my figurative adventuring boots, dust off my VR headset and pick up those controllers with a renewed sense of vigour.
It’s time to rediscover gaming.